Cane's Chicken Fingers

I hope no one in upper management at Cane's reads this. I don't want anyone to get fired. Who am I kidding though. No one will ever see this.

For those of you beyond the realm of Boston University dining establishments, Cane's Chicken Fingers is a new restaurant that opened on the Boston University campus this past fall. There are four things that you can order at Cane's. All of them involve fried chicken fingers in various quantities.

The other night I entered Cane's with one of my roommates. Before I get into what happened while we were at Cane's on this particular night, it is important to know that Cane's is like all other fast food. It's about ten times better when you're lifted.

That being said my roommate and I stumbled bleary eyed into Cane's the other night with the intention of purchasing some fried chicken fingers. When looking back on what happened while we were inside, we came to the agreement that from the moment we entered Cane's not a single normal thing happened

We walked into the restaurant, and up to the counter. There was already one man in line. He appeared to be waiting for someone to come and take his order. After about a minute of waiting, he turns around to look at my roommate and I and says: "You guys know where any of the bumpin' clubs are around here?" My roommate and I both started laughing because we thought he was kidding. The man then clarified with: "You know, where a nigga can lay some pipe game."

At this point an employee comes out to take this guys order, but the guy just books it out of the store without ordering anything. This is where the story gets really strange. My roommate approaches the counter to order first. The guy, who appeared to be the manager, takes his order and starts joking with him about how he's "got to get paid." He seemed to be in a really good mood, which he quickly explained by telling us: "Shit man, I'm just playin' cause I'm getting some pussy tonight."

The manager then went back into the kitchen to get our orders. My roommate and I looked at each other, but before we could talk about what had just occurred, the manager comes back out and says: "Ya'll wanna hear some fucked up shit?" To which we obviously responded: "Hell yes."

"Alright so one night I was closing up," he starts off, "The store lights turn off automatically at the same time every night. There had been a show at the Paradise (a club/bar right next to Cane's), and the store lights had just shut off."

At this point in his narrative, he actually shuts the store lights off to demonstrate what he was talking about. For the rest of the time we were in Cane's the lights remained off.

"This girl and these two dudes come into the alcove right outside the front door," he continues, "They must have thought the store was closed cause the lights were off, and they were drunk as shit. All of sudden this girl starts sucking and fucking these two dudes."

Yes. He actually used the phrase "sucking and fucking."

"I was in here with 2 other employees," he said "I was watching this girl get banged by these two dudes on the sidewalk right outside my store for a minute or two. Eventually I go to the front door and knock on the glass. This girl looks up with this dudes dick in her mouth and goes 'what?'"

My roommate was just staring with his mouth open while this guy was speaking. I was crying from laughing. This mans inflections can't be accurately conveyed in writing, but they made his story about 10 times better. The lights in the store were still off.

"So this girl is asking me what, and I'm like 'yo bitch can you take this shit out into the back alley cause I don't wanna get in trouble,'" he continues, "I figured she wouldn't mind cause all her dignity was gone when she started fucking two dudes on Comm. Ave."

He finishes his story here, and goes back into the kitchen to get our food. The lights are still off. Another employee comes out of the kitchen and approaches my roommate and I. She looks around at the empty restaurant as if to make sure no one was listening in on what she was about to tell us.

"Just so ya'll know, we're about to close up," she said, "We had some extra chicken so I put it in your order for you. I won't tell anyone if you don't tell anyone, know what I'm saying?" She kind of just trailed off into a laugh and walked back into the kitchen.

The manager finally brought our orders out. We grabbed them, thanked the manager, and booked it the fuck out of the restaurant. The lights were still off.

Looking back on this encounter now, I've come to the conclusion that they had to have known we weren't in our right minds. They were fucking with us. Without a doubt. I mean come on. I got 8 pieces of chicken that night.